4/8/24

Last week my therapist told me, “Sometimes you just need to be self assured”

I have the tendency to rely too much on other people’s validation to be able to believe that I am doing a good job - whether that’s at work, school, or even in my relationships with people. I rely so much on the feedback I receive from others as a way to judge myself and use it as a basis for change. Although I may not have realized it as it increasingly became a normal part of my life, I think this reliance on the validation of others has become a major source of anxiety for me over the past few years.

While outside feedback may be valuable in certain circumstances, the more I think about it the more I’m realizing that this is not reasonable - after all, other people are not living my life. This isn’t to say that other people’s opinions and thoughts do not matter - it’s just become apparent that they should not be the primary reason for any action I take or emotion I feel. It might be the case that the only valid person to take true feedback from is myself - so long as I’m being completely honest with myself. Why do I not value what I think of my progress as much as I value that of someone who barely knows who I am?

The conclusion I reached is that the problem lies in how much trust I have in myself. As an extremely result-oriented person, I find it difficult to believe in my capabilities if I haven’t achieved certain results. If I don’t believe in my capability to achieve something or become a certain type of person, how can I value and trust my own feedback for myself? I think this is the reason I find myself relying so much on others’ opinions - because subconsciously I feel that I cannot trust my own.

Now, my assignment to myself is to find ways to show myself that I can be trusted. Maybe this means changing the way I think to learn to celebrate small victories rather than delay celebration until I reach the final destination.